When Will (Healthy) Black Love Be Acceptable?

   

       It is overtly noticeable that certain examples of Black love are demonized horrifically.  The world is far too comfortable with racial tropes surrounding Black families and perceived dynamics that denote "less than".  Black women are seen as unworthy/undeserving of more than below the bare minimum as well as the carrier of all emotional baggage.  

     Then you have women such as (recording artist) Ciara Wilson, who held herself accountable for falling into the trap of believing that a warm body was enough.  She took the time to work on herself and emerged alongside a partner that was far better suited and did not embrace the tropes and societal standards forced upon Black love.  He loves, respects, and honors her in all ways and far too many HATE this.

     But I thought we are supposed to choose better men.  I thought we were supposed to hold ourselves accountable for our past missteps regarding relationships.  

     Now, this is what truly perplexes me...NO ONE GIVES HATE toward Remy ma & Papoose and they are the self-proclaimed poster couple of Black Love.  Most view their marriage as "goals" and consistently praise Papoose for his unwavering love and loyalty towards his wife.

     Is it because he carries the aesthetic of a "hood dude" or is it because no one recalls the romantic ties of Remy Ma prior to her divine union? 

     When will it FINALLY be ok for TWO Black people to love one another in a HEALTHY and PRODUCTIVE manner and it is palatable for the universe? When will society's comfort with dysfunction, toxicity, and abuse cease being the recipe for melanated matrimony? 

     Also, the Black community....specifically Black men and pick-mes... when will you STOP wanting the best from Black women, but NOT wanting to give us the best and villainizing us for REQUIRING the best out of our partners?!!!!!!! You have spent YEARS telling us to have our own, have more than aesthetics to bring to the table, to NOT forward our [past] baggage to you just for you to become ENRAGED that we did just that.  Now you want us to reduce ourselves as you insist on saying that every other type of woman is above us.  That we are no longer (or in some cases never have been) their "cup of tea" due to a bevy of illogical reasonings.

     You can NOT keep complaining about what ails the Black community while perpetuating the harmful rhetoric that Black women deserve to be a stepping stone...a [free] therapist...a second mommy...a pillar of (misery-riddled) strength.  Really take the time to think of why you have allowed your view of relationships to admire the "hood guy"/'fuck boy" aesthetic as healthy and the standard while complaining that the nerd/good guy is underrated and overshadowed.  

     The (self-proclaimed) "good guy" finishes last because you boot your own feet within the race.  You proclaim that the womanizing narcissist is "man goals" while [heavily] criticizing Black women for choosing what you have marketed as the top tier.  If you are in need (and want) of reciprocated, non-transactional relationships....why don't you work towards that instead of trying to trap your counterparts into relational servitude? 

     Embracing healthy relationships within the Black community benefits ALL involved.  

     We know this, but it seems as if there are men that simply want to emulate the Anglo narrative of ownership within the home.  It is time to FINALLY comprehend that Black women are NO LONGER PROPERTY and HEALTHY BLACK LOVE is the goal...the objective for overall growth and stability.  

     Black men (and pick-mes), free yourselves of dumping upon us and embody Black love and release struggle love.

Black Love